Interview
Interview with Dena Gassner
I was diagnosed with AspergerÕs Syndrome at 41 yrs of age after working with my son who is on the spectrum, and a lengthy history of unsuccessful attempts to "get better" from misdiagnosed mental health issues. An official diagnosis helped. I was able to reconsider my personal/professional options to choose the path of least resistance. I was able to stop seeking "normal" and give up most of the meds which were compromising me further. I was able to express to my family what expectations they could have and I was no longer in need of their approval. The benefits are astronomical; there is not enough paper...:!
Having an undiagnosed mother led to sexual abuse for me. That left me very sexually naive and misinformed and the ensuing vulnerability caused much hardship. Parenting tasks (the multi-tasking of it all, time management issues, and balance) were very difficult. Ultimately, I had to choose to be a parent leaving household tasks behind (to focus only on the kids). I continue to struggle with dishonest, manipulative people.
I didn't manage many of those times well. I was abused and vulnerable most of my life. I still am; I just have the awareness now and make different choices. I now have an extraordinary system for management which I will write about.
I am very happy being an Aspie and love the Immersion in the Aspie world of honesty, frankness and beauty. I love my new found authenticity and the now, achievable goals before me. I would change to being an NT; this is still a hostile world for us and it would be lovely to 'get' all of it. Still, I would not regret any of it.
For other women and girls with aspergers, learn the truth about what your strengths and challenges are; learn them meaningfully and applicably, and make good choices which expose you to that weakness as little as possible. This is not just Aspie advice; it's what intelligent, successful people do. It's just that our "challenges" can be diagnosed. Actually, seeing it on paper may be something NTs can't do! :)
Parents need to help their Aspie children to do the above, to develop the language to express their needs and the skills to do so when necessary and love them unconditionally. Less is more ~ in helping them grow.
For Aspie girls, parents need to be honest and frank about the world. Do not try to make her look like all the NT girls; our culture is setting them up to fail with limited clothing, words written on their pants (Brittany style). Our culture is sexualizing all girls and ours are the first line victims. Love them unconditionally and let them mature at their own pace. Don't buy into "curing" or "normalcy" but help them to find a half way point of compromise. I would like our society to Come to a half way point! Learn about us, stop judging us and become less fearful of their own limitations in reaching us.
Sometimes co-morbids need to be diagnosed and treated first. It is not successful when the co=EXISTING diagnostic issues are not considered. If true depression is present, or anxiety prohibits growth, it must be considered. But again, the meds used to treat this issue are often misprescribed. It is a hard question about comorbids and when to address them. But most of all, sleep issues must be addressed, and the person has to learn about their ASD, what expectations are reasonable, and then be supported toward achievement.
The Co-existing diagnoses are a stopping point instead of the stepping off point to see what the underlying issue is. TheÊForest and not the Trees....ÊWomen manifest differently than men.ÊNo one is researching the implications of hormonal issues. Women are being compared to a male phenotype.Ê