Interview
What age were you diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome?
This is by far my favorite question. In order to give you an accurate answer using the keyword "diagnosis", the evolution of my own open-mindedness and acceptance as to having Asperger's Syndrome is essential.
My son's Asperger's Psychologist/Social Skills Facilitator (Dr. Di) states that she suspected I was an Aspie from the very first time she spoke with me. She has commented to me that her very first impressions of my "Aspie Ways" were always obvious to her as a professional in the field of Asperger's Syndrome. Dr. Di also states that her colleague, Dr. Wilson has also suspected for several years that I have Asperger's Syndrome.
Dr. Di occasionally brings to my attention the lengthy questionnaire which I completed with her when I transferred my son?s Psychological Care & Social Skills needs to her office several years ago; she has got quite a sense of humor and she simply states with laughter that she suspected immediately that
she was conversing with an Aspie during my son's assessment process.
I must be honest with you and let you know that at first I was quite confused. I associated everything about Aspies by the way my son's Asperger's Syndrome presented itself and how I observed him on a daily basis. My ability to see Asperger's as presenting in any other way beyond what my son exhibited was initially quite difficult for me.
My initial beliefs regarding a formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome which I did relay to Dr Di were this, "What does it matter if I have a formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome?" and "I am who I am and a formal diagnosis with a label attached won't change that."
I can still see in my minds-eye the way Dr. Di became very still as she gazed upon me with her gentle stare. She then posed to me 2 simple questions, "Do you really want to know?" and "Are you ready for my honest answer?"
When it became obvious to Dr. Di that I was firm as to not addressing a formal diagnosis, she simply replied, "Sharon, I believe there will come a day when you will have a very different opinion."
Dr. Di was right. Her words echo in my soul daily and I appreciate her honesty and patience with me while I struggled with self acceptance of who I truly am. It's easy now for me to embrace my "Aspie Truths"; and I have agreed to allow Dr. Di to formally diagnose me with Asperger's Syndrome. How liberated I feel!
So now, getting back to your initial question? I guess I could have simply answered "43 years old" but then that wouldn't have been very Aspie of me, now would it?
Why did you suspect you had AS?
Social isolation, inability to understand subtleties, inability and frustration when attempting to form, maintain, and sustain
friendships/relationships, and viewing everything I hear as "literal."
As a female, what are or were your greatest challenges being an Aspie in an NT world?
Being viewed as "odd," and never quite fitting in to any social situation. Especially when making attempts at the "dating game" ..at least it appears to oftentimes be a "game" for a lot of NT's. I just want to scream sometimes and say, "Come on NT's and get real!" And for all the men out there, I have this advice for you, "Just tell me like it is gentlemen" ..no games please! And definitely don't speak to me in code ...it may be charming but you'll lose me before you catch me if you attempt your subtle woos.
What were your most difficult times? How did you manage them?
Junior High School; and though this is common for NT'S as well, I believe you can double the challenges for Aspies. Being bullied for being the "geeky girl" was difficult. A sense of fashion and style with make-up and clothing tends to develop with females during the middle school years - and for me... Well, not so much! Still to this day, I research the age appropriate attire in magazines before I go shopping in order to help me dress with some sense of style. I actually utilize a shopping strategy which has worked quite well for me throughout the years. I clip pictures out of fashion magazines and take
them with me when I go shopping for clothes. This aids me in my need to visualize what I want to purchase as well as what is appropriate for my job.
What do you love about being an Aspie woman?
My ability to see inside the box - outside the box- over the box - under the box - the sides of the box, etc.
Also, I observe NT females struggling with their identity when it comes to relationships with men. I appreciate my straight forwardness as it relates to communicating with the opposite sex. Though I realize I must keep my forthright behavior tempered in order to not offend or push someone away; nonetheless, it has saved this Aspie Woman a lot of time. Many NT women are out there running around and playing these cat-and-mouse games with men ...what a waist of time.
Are you happy being an aspie?
YES.
If you could change to an NT, would you? Why?
No, not in a million years! I closed one of my recent BLOG entries about "What Causes Autism" with a quote from my 15 year old Aspie son which sums my answer up completely. He was asked if he thought they would find a cure for Asperger's Syndrome during his lifetime and he simply stated, "A Cure? Why do
people try to cure what they don't understand? I don't want to be cured, I want to be accepted for who I am."
What would you advise to other women or girls who have Asperger's?
To keep an open mind about differences and that includes their own. The ability to be open minded leads to greater understanding. This will benefit not only themselves but everyone around them.
What would you advise to NT parents of an aspie child?
To remember that their Aspie children will be the way they are because that is who they are ...trying to force a round circle into a square peg is pointless so why do it with your little Aspie? Embrace their strengths, encourage their talents, and guide them through the rocky paths of the NT ruled world. It get's a little scary for little Aspies when the world keeps spinning & spinning & spinning around them; but perhaps that's why our little Aspie kidos love to spin around & around so much? Perhaps they are attempting to find their inner balance - attempting to find a way to have their physical body unite in rhythm with the spinning of the NT ruled society.
What would you advise to NT parents of an aspie girl?
Don't hesitate for 1 second about having a candid discussion with your daughter about the "birds-and-bees." We Aspies take most everything literal.
All females share a vulnerability while going through puberty (ie: wanting to fit in, wanting attention from the guys, having crushes, etc.). Triple it for your Aspie daughters! You wouldn't send your little girl into a tank full of sharks, would you?Well, that's what it's like when Aspie girls are developing a sense of self. This NT ruled society which "speaks their own
language" has yet to develop a complete understanding of your Aspie Girl. She will need your daily guidance to learn how the NT's speak? ,..especially the slang words which are commonly used by their peers. But don't worry because your Aspie daughter is brilliant, talented, and determined so she will catch on
to the NT's "yada, yada, yada's" with your dedication and guidance as a parent.
What would you like to see our society do to help Aspie and Auties to have a
better life?
To have more educational opportunities and forums for Aspies to introduce themselves to their communities. To have a forum to teach acceptance of societal based differences which influences directly the opinions which society holds.
Do you feel co morbid disorders should be recognized first and treated?
Prioritization is inevitable - it is a must in order to create balance. However, the opposite is true as well! You can't push Asperger Awareness to the side because it doesn't appear to need the same level of care or attention as co morbid disorders. Balance is the key!
Why do you think so few women are diagnosed?
I believe the answer is in the question; because we are women! It is biologically indisputable that the male and female brain works differently. Now add Asperger's Syndrome to the mix and you?ve got a quandary going on! It's only a matter of time before the NT's will be forced to recognize who Aspie Women are and what we represent. I am of the belief that it will be much
simpler than anticipated as the truth of Aspie Women will never go away. So here we are and I have one last thing to add:
"Welcome to our world!"