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Accepting Who You Are

By Contributing Journalist for AWA: Dawnita Mohler
"Your lucky you found a place you fit in Jill" said Matthew, Jill Tongen's older brother of Lincoln Nebraska. With a bright smile and a long standing trust in her eyes for her brother 22 year old Jill nodded in agreement. It hasn't always been this way for Jill who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 17. As her mother, Rachel sits quietly in the corner and watches her daughter power through an interview with questions about her life she interjects, "I remember when Jill was a child, at 17 months I knew something was not quite right. Back then Jill was behind schedule according to a neuro- typical child, she was slow to develop with her gross motor skills".

By age 4-5 Jill was moved from her home with her mother and older brother in Massachusetts to Minnesota with her biological father. Not only was Jill's mother, struggling to raise 2 children on her own she was working and giving every effort to her then "behavioral" child Jill, who seemed to be more challenging than most could handle with no support from her near by denial stricken grandparents.

Jill even still has memories of her day care experiences some 17 years ago. Jill commented that their way of "dealing" with her was to tell her to shut-up when she was talking too much or getting too excited followed by an unnecessary dose of black pepper being placed on her tongue. When Jill would become "too much to take" her day care would intervene by placing her in a high chair that she was unable to get out of.

The move with her father in Minnesota proved to be positive as there she had a strong support system that worked well for Jill in those days. Jill's grandparents who were just a phone call away instantly became very involved and viewed their "challenging" granddaughter as just another grandchild with her own ways.

As Jill grew into an adolescent her energy and anxiousness began to fade through the years but her social inadequacy became more prevalent. Jill did manage to befriend some peers but found that those relationships soon faded as well when she and her friends became the target of pre-teen jokes and teasing.
Naturally this had an impact on Jill and to this day she is quite sensitive to peer interactions.

Jill graduated from her long time High School in Minnesota but continued to struggle with lasting friendships and began to clash with her father who insists that she does not have AS but does have a behavior problem. By age 19 Jill relocated to Lincoln NE and permanently reunited with her mother and now step father where she was happy to find a much more Asperger accepting society. Jill entered a post graduation program through the public schools in her new community that accepts youth age 18-21 and teaches them work skills for future placement. Jill was happy in this program as she was allowed to be who she is and to be proud of it. Jill learned work skills rather than educational skills which were a welcomed change for her. While in this program it was confirmed that she not only has Asperger's Syndrome but was also diagnosed with mild MR.

Jill's family looks back though her life and sees that some of her family members struggled and continues to struggle with the concept that their family members can't possibly have Asperger's Syndrome while other family members became a support system that some people can only dream of. Jill has learned through the years that she lives in an unjust world that she does not always understand and often gets confused by.

The now thriving and happy 22 year old dreams of traveling to Australia, becoming a conservationist to save wild life, owning a zoo and living on her own without being scared of it.

When asked what message she would like to give to young women with AS Jill said she would tell them "Its ok, you can do anything you want." This family lives a powerful message every day in which they feel AS is not a disability but what is, is the ignorance of others.

Jill?s brother ended the interview by stating "there's no excuse to show ignorance to something you don't know."

Jill's family stresses that it does not matter what your diagnosis is but it does matter who you are. Jill and her family currently live a very AS aware life and are more happy now that ever. She and her family agree that there are many perks to having AS, in fact they wish there were more Aspie's like Jill, then maybe we would all get to experience more love and kindness.